Sunday WI

Not the clearest picture -- sorry. 

Sundays have always been my official weigh-in day. I'm now thinking of changing that, but since I didn't take a picture on Friday when I 'officially' got back on the wagon, I decided to WI again today. To my surprise (but extreme hope) I was down!!

Start weight (April 17th) - 245lbs

Current weight - 243lbs

Total lost - 2lbs 

I'm not going to lie, it's been a challenge to get back on track. Yesterday, despite eating all my WW points and even some of my extra weekly points, I felt starving all day. This was even after consuming a protein bar, and two protein shakes, along with lots of veggies and fruit, yogurt etc..... It was rough. Today, I'm a tad better, but as I type this my tummy is rumbling again. I'm not sure if it's just the usual brutal first few days of dieting, or my added hunger is a side affect of my medication. . Ugh... either way, I'm determined to push through. I just hope it gets easier.

Hungry too often - HELP!

I can't get full.

I'm never satisfied.

I don't know what's going on with me lately. I'm hungry ALL. THE. TIME. It's not my emotions this time. Things have been good lately. I'm just genuinely hungry. 

The result -- I just came home and ate an entire box of kraft dinner.

All 22 points of it. 

WTF!!!!

(Don't worry, I'm still on point thanks again to my extra weekly WW PointsPlus) 

Now I know I should have probably ate something a tad more nutritious, but what can I say?  I had a craving.  I planned to eat two portion thinking that would be more than enough. Instead I ate four. 

SO. NOT. GOOD!

I feel like I've been fighting this 'hungry all the time' feeling for the last few weeks and let me tell you, it's making dieting so challenging.   I'm still determined and motivated don't worry about that, but feeling hungry all the time is just getting annoying. 

I'm not sure why it's happening.

First off, it's not because of TOM. He just came and went. Secondly, I already drink a lot of water. I take a water bottle to work and drink a ton throughout the day. The other day I drank around 3L. I ended up going to the bathroom A LOT and I was still hungry. On top of getting regular protein from eggs, and cheese etc.... (I'm lacto-ovo vegetarian),  I also try to eat a protein bar or shake (22g protein) at least once a day. Sometimes it helps, but not lately. Bananas have been my life saver, but sadly I don't have any in the house at the moment. Bananas are zero points, but I swear I'm going to turn into a monkey if I eat any more in one day.  

I'm just not sure what's going on. Do I need more fibre? Even more protein? Even more water?  Maybe. I seriously need to buy more fruit and veggies to snack on to help fill me up so I don't dip into any more weekly points. I say that though but today I had a huge fruit salad for lunch and still managed to go over my points. ugh.... 

I fear this feeling will continue. I also fear I'll have even more trouble handling it as I lose more weight. As my weight goes down, my daily PointsPlus target will also go down. This means I may have to dip into my weekly points to cover my daily eats even more. As a result, if I end up having more days like tonight going forward, my weekly points may not cover me. That scares me, as that is when I'm at risk of falling off the wagon. As I said, feeling hungry all the time is annoying and one can only handle it for so long.

So what can I do? ugh.... I'm really not sure. HELP! (no seriously HELP!)

For now I'm going to use distraction and see if that helps. Ta-Ta... I'm off to watch The Walking Dead. 

Eating my Emotions

I've been eating emotionally lately.

I'm still tracking everything that goes in my mouth. I'm still counting my points, but I'm emotionally eating.

Life has been rough and because of that....

Yesterday I ate 60 WWpp. That is 33 points over my daily limit.

33 points!

I think that's the first time I've gone over that much in one day on this journey so far.

Thankfully Weight Watchers gives members an extra 45 points for the week, so I'm actually still on program. I haven't fallen off the wagon, so it's weird that I feel like I have.

I will admit I'm scared going forward though. Although I still get my 37 points for each day, I only have a few WW weekly points remaining and my stomach seems like a bottomless pit lately. The last few weeks I have always gone over my daily target and used my weekly points to cover the difference. It's been working fine (and totally allowed) that way, but lately I seem to be getting hungrier and hungrier.  I never feel full and for the last two days all I have wanted is comfort food. Add the fact that a few days ago I  ate four low fat cookies (for 3pp) but ate them so mindlessly, that I swore I still had one left when I didn't.  I feel like I'm in trouble.

I feel like I'm one french fry away from seriously falling off the wagon.

I can't let that happen though. I will not let that happen. I plan to go no where near a french fry, even if they do smell so darn good.  I will not let my emotions get the best of me. NOT. THIS. TIME. Even if life throws me hardships so heartbreaking that all I want to do is stuff my face with poutine and ice cream, I will not let my emotions sabotage my best efforts. I have worked too hard the last 3 months to get where I am today.

So my plan for the remainder of the week is to stay within my 37 points a day and get in three days of exercise. By working out, I'll gain more points which I can then use as needed. I'm going to try my best though not to use them. I think being more strict than normal is needed right now.

A run and yoga - say what?

Blogging truly does keep me accountable. I said I was going to run today on a previous post and because I said that (and I didn't want to let you down, or myself down), I did it!

I'm pleased to report that after seeing the movie Inception, I came home and ran as I planned at around 9pm. What a difference from my last run. It felt fantastic. It's 22C outside, but actually feels that way too! No humidity tonight and because of that, I did not feel like I was going to die this time. Thank you Jesus!  I felt great actually and my pace is improving. I can feel it! I'm so pleased. I'm less discouraged, and I'm motivated to push forward. I will be a runner gosh darn it. One way or another, I will be.

After my run, I came home and knew I had to do some yoga. Over on Lynn's blog The Next Chapter she has decided to host a challenge and I signed up for it.  The Challenge? Seven days of full on yoga. Wooohoooo!!!! Are we on the same page or what?!  Just a few days ago I was telling my coworkers and best friend that I need to get back into practicing yoga. I fell in love with it back in January and then a few months later stopped. I have no idea why really, but I did....ugh....story of my life.

 I went to the website that Lynn recommended and did my first free (key word - free!!!!) 20min yoga session. The session I did is called Yoga for Weight loss. Kind of a no brainer to pick that one, don't you think? It was a great 20 minute session. I uploaded it on my little laptop. Put my laptop in between my cat's beds on the bench at the end of my bed and did the session in my bedroom. I have yet to get a yoga mat, but really I didn't need one.  My carpet was fine.  Some poses were hard for me. I'm out of practice, out of shape and had never done some of the poses before.  I managed though and now feel stronger and more relaxed all at the same time!  


One tip though...... 

If you are doing yoga at home and you have cats....you might want to lock them out of the room when you practice. Emily my eldest kitty thought it would be a great idea to purrrr like a crazy cat and lick me while I was doing my breathing exercises at the start of the session! Cute? Absolutely, but she didn't really help me get into the zone if you know what I mean! 

Do I really Want it?

Learning to run has reminded me that if I set my mind to something, I can do it. Through determination, will and drive I can accomplish any goal I set for myself. Nine weeks ago running 5K seemed impossible, but  it was my goal I set for myself and I did it. I plan to do it again today as well. Week 9, run 2,  here I come. So now why the hell is it that when I set a weight loss goal, I can't have the same success? I've reached every goal I've set for myself in recent years. Move out on my own, landing a job that I wanted and love, bought a house on my own, graduated from university etc..etc..., but this damn weight loss goal I just can't seem to tackle.

I tried to 'Dr. Phil' think a bit tonight and ask myself...is being fat working for me? It must be in some regards because I'm not changing. I don't have that drive, determination or will to huncker down and calorie count and loss this freak'in weight once and for all. As I thought more and more I came to realize that perhaps my weight has become my security blanket. If I truly begin to shed the pounds and separate myself from my 'blanket" I'm valnerable  to possibilities that perhaps scare me. I'm not going to get into details, but I'm sure you get what I mean.

I'm confident in many aspects of my life. I'm smart and successful, but when it comes to weight loss, I'm a failure. I feel like I'm not strong enough to getter done. With that being said though, I know I have begun to make positive changes in my life and people are noticing. People have even called me an inspiration. Me! An inspiration. HA! That is shocking! It does feel good though to hear coworkers say they thought of me as they went out for a run and said, if Sonya can do it, so can I. The scale may not say I've lost weight lately, but many had asked if I have. I look in the mirror and I see a smaller self. My stomach is less bloated, my arms don't have as large of "wings" as they use to, and my legs look stronger. Of course I wish my double 'no neck' days were behind me, but here's hoping with my continued running and veggie diet it will come with time.

I'm not going to lie though, I do get frustrated. Here I am running 3 times a week, and eating a vegetarian diet where I've had more veggies in the last 3 months than probably in the last 3 years, but still I'm not losing weight.  I guess that's what you get when you don't buckle down.  I do admit lately I enjoyed french fries and ice cream perhaps too much. These are my two tried and true coping foods, and when our dog died, you can bet I had them A LOT! I wish I could say I've found a new coping strategy to deal with stress/anger/sadness, but I guess I haven't. I know I'm still not ready to calorie count or count points again though so I shouldn't be surprised by the scale results. Afterall, you can't have your cake and eat it too but of course this is where I get frustrated yet again. I say I want to lose this weight, so why the hell do I still make those bad food choices? Gurrrrrrr. When will I learn? When will I finally believe I can do it and that I'm worth it?

Flakie Sadness

I had a weak moment and now I'm paying for it. When out grocery shopping yesterday I bought a lot of good foods. I also bought passion flakies and cinnamon raisin rice pudding. I knew it was bad, but I thought maybe (just maybe) I'd be able to not inhale them both in one day.


I was wrong.

I ate the entire box of flakies in less than 24 hour and the entire large container of rice pudding.

They are both completely gone now.

So. Not. Cool!

I'm not sure what triggered the need to inhale. I really didn't think it would turn out this way. I can have chocolate in my house and ice cream in my house for weeks without eating it now (something I would have inhaled before), but I suppose flakies and rice pudding are still a red flag food for me. It's better if I just stay away.

I was feeling a bit nervous/anxious after I wrote my post last night (okay, well perhaps I do know why I inhaled) After looking up my route on mapmyrun like I said I did, I then went to coolrunning.com and realized I'm only running 3K in 25 minutes when I should be running 4K. I knew I was slow, but it was kind of like a punch to the stomach. Here I thought I was doing well (and yes, I do realize I still am for just doing it in the first place), but then to realize I'm behind the pace by so much...well, it kind of sucks. Top it off with the fact I mapped out 5K and now truly know how far that is....I think I freaked out a bit.

Today I'm feeling a bit better of course. I'm trying not to think of the 5K race, but just taking it run by run as I have for the last 7 weeks. On the coolrunning website It states "Week 7 - Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes)." My podcast just has me running 25 minutes...but perhaps I need to run the 2.5 miles (4km) instead no matter how long it takes me. I'm really not sure. Four kilometers might take me 35 minutes and that's a huge jump from running for only 25 minutes. Ahhhh...I'm not sure what to do. Help! Any runners out there?

The Plan

Hey all....

So the little bump in the road became more like a mountain this past week. I'm not sure what happen, but  it did and we're moving forward. I've got new groceries in the fridge and a workout plan for this week so here's hoping I can get back to kicking some mega fat ass.

The plan:

1. Drink LOTS of H20
2. Stay inside my points
3. Eat more protein

Workouts for this week planned:

1. Yoga - Monday night after work
2. Wednesday - walk/jog an inside track with a friend until we pass out.
3. Thursday - new body exercise class  (not sure what this is, but my friend goes and I'm going with her)
4. Friday - Zumba (not sure what this one is either, but I'm going)
5. Saturday - aquafit

I bought a new pair of jeans today. I really didn't want to as I am trying to lose weight, but my two other pairs have holes in them now. I ended up buying a size 18. Here's hoping it's the last 18 I'll ever buy!!!!!  If I stick to eating right and working out I know it will be.  I just have to stay busy and social. If I've said it once I've said it a million times....being bored and lonely are my worse enemies when it comes to food. When I'm bored it's usually because I'm alone not doing anything. This then makes me feel lonely for the company of others. Most of my friends work 9-5 jobs which I do not, so the afternoons I find the hardest. When I'm lonely and bored...(especially when there is no food in the house) I eat and it always ends up being fast food. .... I have to stop this!!!! Stop the insanity I say!!!!! Enough is enough already!

I guess staying busy is easy enough. I could paint rooms in my house, organize stuff, clean, etc...etc....so it's more the alone thing I have a hard time with. I don't know why...I lived alone for 4 years and was fine (mind you that's when my weight ballooned so perhaps not). I guess I like being around people more than I thought.  This week will be nice because three out of the five workouts will be with my friend. She got me a seven day free pass to her gym so it should be fun!

Anyway, Canada vs. USA Olympic hockey is on TV right now. I must go and concentrate on that! Go Canada Go!!!!! 

Still here....

Last few days haven't been so good. ugh.... Still battling....some rounds I win, some rounds I don't...but the fight isn't over baby!

Made it through!

Yesterday I celebrated my sister's 34th birthday with my family. It was the dreaded KFC dinner. How did I do, you ask? Not too shabby I'd say. On my way to my sister's I went out and bought a sub so I could eat it, instead when my family was enjoying their meal.  I did have a couple bites of popcorn chicken, but hey, that's better than having that, plus three pieces of normal chicken, fries, gravy, and macaroni salad!   I didn't have any birthday cake for dessert either. Luckily it was black forest cake (which I hate), so I wasn't tempted at all! Score!!!

After dinner we watched the Olympic Opening Ceremonies which I loved. It's too bad they had the technical glitch, but what can you do? I was proud of all the work they put into it. Proud to be Canadian. I loved Shane Koyczan's Poem and the killer whales, and the Redwoods and the Rockies....Okay, well.....I loved it all.  While watching the ceremony, I did have some potato chips, but most were low fat. I didn't count them per say...but here's hoping I'll be okay. I do have a week to burn them off!

This morning I got up and went to my second aquafit class. At first I wasn't too sure about this class as we had a different instructor, but then it got better.  Once again I had a great workout. I just wish it was longer!!! The classes are only 45 minutes long.

Tomorrow I am working so will not be able to go to any exercise class which sucks (wait...did I just say that?).  Monday is also Family Day here in Canada Ontario (just found out it's an Ontario thing...silly me didn't realize), so the classes will not be going on then either. I guess I'll have to hit up Wii Active again or go for a walk.  Oh joy oh fun! I must say Yoga and Aquafit are so much more appealing now....but I'll do what I got to do!

Chinese Buffet...ahhhh..

Going out to dinner tonight for Mom's Birthday.....God help me....we're going to the Mandarin!

Wish me luck!