Fighting the Lazy with Green Dots!

Well folks, I'm back working nights again. Friday night was my Monday morning. I now get to work all weekend. So far it hasn't been too bad (knocking hard on wood here), so hopefully the rest of the weekend will be the same.

My eating has been going well and I'm staying within my daily point range, but I'm a tad worried about my salt intake. TOM also decided to show up on Tuesday and just left today. To combat the salt thing,  I've been drinking up the wazoo today and going to the bathroom multiple times because of it!! To combat TOM... well.... I've done nothing except take naproxen and tell him thank you for coming, but you can go now ASAP. Thankfully he finally listened! Weigh-In is tomorrow so fingers crossed I see a loss.

Add caption

My workouts didn't go as I had planned this week which I do have some guilt about. I wanted to go to three classes, but I only managed to get to one. I need to get better at time management, but on top of that I also need to "fight the lazy" way more than I have been. I find it hardest to when working nights.  This is something I will have to work on moving forward.


I'm actually thinking of making it a weekly blog post thing.


Fight the Lazy Fridays!


Sounds kinda crazy, but I think I need to do it. My idea is to blog once a week about things I've done when I really didn't want to. It could be cooking, cleaning, exercising, organizing etc.... All things I need to do, but normally would put off for another day just because. I know I'm better than I use to be, after all,  losing weight does equal gaining more energy for things, but I know lazy still wins sometimes.


Despite what I have just wrote though, I'm still proud of how far I have come. See those green dots in that picture? Those are workouts I've completed. Yes, I could have done more, but I've still gone to six classes this month and that is more than I did 14 weeks ago when I started this journey. Fourteen weeks ago, I did none. Before November finishes I hope to have six more dots. I'll keep you posted!

Eating my Emotions

I've been eating emotionally lately.

I'm still tracking everything that goes in my mouth. I'm still counting my points, but I'm emotionally eating.

Life has been rough and because of that....

Yesterday I ate 60 WWpp. That is 33 points over my daily limit.

33 points!

I think that's the first time I've gone over that much in one day on this journey so far.

Thankfully Weight Watchers gives members an extra 45 points for the week, so I'm actually still on program. I haven't fallen off the wagon, so it's weird that I feel like I have.

I will admit I'm scared going forward though. Although I still get my 37 points for each day, I only have a few WW weekly points remaining and my stomach seems like a bottomless pit lately. The last few weeks I have always gone over my daily target and used my weekly points to cover the difference. It's been working fine (and totally allowed) that way, but lately I seem to be getting hungrier and hungrier.  I never feel full and for the last two days all I have wanted is comfort food. Add the fact that a few days ago I  ate four low fat cookies (for 3pp) but ate them so mindlessly, that I swore I still had one left when I didn't.  I feel like I'm in trouble.

I feel like I'm one french fry away from seriously falling off the wagon.

I can't let that happen though. I will not let that happen. I plan to go no where near a french fry, even if they do smell so darn good.  I will not let my emotions get the best of me. NOT. THIS. TIME. Even if life throws me hardships so heartbreaking that all I want to do is stuff my face with poutine and ice cream, I will not let my emotions sabotage my best efforts. I have worked too hard the last 3 months to get where I am today.

So my plan for the remainder of the week is to stay within my 37 points a day and get in three days of exercise. By working out, I'll gain more points which I can then use as needed. I'm going to try my best though not to use them. I think being more strict than normal is needed right now.

Wow.... am I ever fat!

That's how I have been feeling lately.
tire around my waist, triple chin

FAT

It's horrible.

....and not good for the self esteem, let me tell ya.

Once again I let food comfort me during difficult times and now I'm back to square one folks.

How flipping depressing.

How many times must I ride this rollercoaster?

How many times must I fall off this wagon before I finally stay on?

It SUCKS I tell you.

SUCKS!!!!!!

Ugh, I wish I could get a handle on this food crud once and for all.

The good news is I suppose, that my motivation is starting to return (thank you Jesus!), and that is why I've returned to writing. I've decided that starting tomorrow I'll type out everything I put into my mouth and post it for the world to see. I need to...this insanity has to stop. I need some accountability and this blog is going to give it to me. I know that if I have to post what I eat for you to read, I will not have that burger and fries, or that breakfast sandwich, or chips or heeps of ice cream that I am so quick to eat as of late. Instead I'll want to tell you I'm eating healthy so I will. I might even cook more and share recipes with you once again. That was fun right? I might even tell you about how I got back into walking and running and swimming and yoga. That would be cool to hear about too, right?

Man I miss that girl. That energized girl who was not only an inspiration for herself, but others too. I'm ready to find her again. So join me as I do. Stick around folks. This chick is back and once again I plan to rock it.

Peace

I feel like I'm at this interesting place in my life right now. After thinking and feeling so many emotions about one person for awhile now, I finally said good-bye, and I couldn't be more content with my decision. I had to. It was necessary --- for my own sanity. It's funny in this new social networking age that saying good-bye includes deleting ones profile from FB. As if writing a good-bye note, deleting phone numbers and e-mail addresses were not enough.

Since saying ta-ta (although the 'too nice' part of me did still say I'll be there if he truly needs me), I once again find myself pondering and self reflecting. Wondering why I feel the need to be nice to someone who so often disrespected  and disappointed me. Reflecting on the reasons for my up and down emotions about a person I'm not entirely sure I truly 'liked' completely in the first place, but loved in a strange way at the same time.

It's weird really how you can be upset about being upset! Do I really care that much?  Surprise! I guess I do.

Nonetheless, I know saying bye was the right decision for me.  I want more from life. Stronger ties and stronger bonds along with an inner peace that I haven't felt in awhile.

Finally I feel as if a weight has been lifted (too bad it isn't an 85lb weight!). Yes, at times I am sad that he couldn't be what I wanted him to be or I couldn't be what he wanted (although I tried), but it is what it is. Such is life. I am allowing myself to feel so I don't end up hugging anymore empty ice cream containers (I've done that far too often in the past) , but as I feel I continue to be happy with my decision to move onward and upward and never look back. As my hot doctor friend reminded me recently.... we don't have eyes in the back of our head for a reason! So here's to moving on with life. Here's to continuing to find peace as I  once again begin to focus on the most important person in my life -- myself and not on people who only deplete you of energy, hope or respect for yourself.