pain in the........

I think the pressure I'm putting on myself to lose this one pound is backfiring on me. I'm too stressed out about it and that's causing me to eat. When you have yummy left overs in the house, this is not a good thing.

Thanksgiving leftovers are evil people!!!! Soooooo good, but sooooooo evil! I really do fear a gain, but I know I've let it happen. I need to really just get back to my mantra of "one day at a time" and stop looking beyond that.

I did get out for my run last night with a friend and her family though. Running buddies rock!  It was a great run, but about an hour later my hips started to hurt, and hurt bad. I took some ibuprofen and put some deep relief on them, but still the pain was making it so I couldn't sleep. Add that to the fact exercise always seems to wake me up so I go to bed later anyway and the fact I had a nap during the day, I didn't fall sleep until 6am! 6 AM PEOPLE!!!!! I was suppose to be at work at 7:00!!!!! Of course, I called into work and said I wasn't coming. I'm not proud of it, but there is no way I can function on no sleep.

I ended up waking up around 12:30pm, and now I'm still just resting in bed. My hips are still really sore. I hate that I get this bilateral hip pain after my runs. It seems to be happening more and more now that my speed is a bit faster - mind you not by much!  I'm going to try using my foam roller again to see if that will help. I'm also wondering whether it's time to buy new shoes. Mine are a few years old, and although I didn't start wearing them regularly until this past March, maybe it's time. Mind you maybe it's just an excuse to buy a new pair! Either way I have to do more to control this hip pain I keep getting. I don't want it to derail my running efforts.

Speaking of running efforts, I signed up for the online 5K training program via the Running Room! I can't attend the in store sessions because of my schedule, so I decided to try out their web program. My hip pain is concerning because now I need to increase my running from 2 times a week (my average) to three! On top of this, my next 5K is on sunday! Ahhhhh, go away pain!!!!!

HUNGRY!

I didn't have enough protein today and I paid for it. I just couldn't get satisfied. I'm still hungry if I'm being honest. This is after two pieces of WW bread with peanut butter and honey and two pieces of raisin toast with honey AND a bunch of mini red potatoes... I know....so not nutritious at all, but I didn't feel like cooking and I was craving toast and potatoes so deal with it!

I ended up using some of my weekly points which I really didn't want to do. Those points were suppose to be for saturday's thanksgiving dinner. Oops!!!! Not good at all.  Luckily my Mother is cooking thanksgiving this year and she's also on WW, so hopefully the dinner will not be too horrible in the calories department. Fingers crossed anyway!

My plan (to help ward off those pesky calories) is to go for a run tomorrow night although it looks like it is suppose to rain. If it does, I'll find some type of exercise to do indoors . I have a stationary bike in my basement after all! Saturday before dinner I plan to workout some more and then sunday I have a run planned with my friend. I'm hoping with the added exercise and if I can stay within my points (and not have a night like tonight) I'll be okay and finally be able to say that I lost 20 pounds. I really want to be able to tell you that!

So it looks like this week is not off to a great start being hungry all the time, but hopefully that will change. Must eat more protein!!!!!  Must plan meals better!!!! Must lose one pound!!!!

When I fall, I sure make a bang!

I've been away. I've been away and haven't been good at all. Being away is NOT good for me. After the whole car thing, I found it really hard to get back on track. I really struggled, I didn't read any blogs, I didn't update mine, I skipped a WW meeting,  and this led me to  crash and burn!

I've gained 7 pounds in 2 weeks.  SEVEN FREAK'IN POUNDS PEOPLE!!!!!

UGH.......

That is the bad news.

The good news is that I am on day three of counting my points. I even made two recipes yesterday out of my Good Housekeeping Family Vegetarian Cook Book (which I would share, but don't want to be sued for copyright infringement).  I feel like finally I'm back on track. I'm not giving up, and still have goals I want to reach. No matter how many times I fall off this damn wobbly wagon, I will get back on it each time, so help me god!

I think this fall is going to be a good one. The weather is cooler which means I will be able to run when I want to, and my work schedule is changing to a much more desirable one at the beginning of October.  I'm very pleased about this. Two of my friends are also starting to come to my WW meeting with me on thursdays. I think the added support can only be beneficial.

So here's to losing those seven damn pounds as fast as I can along with about 60 more! ;-)

Goals, goals, goals....

(sorry, it's a long one).....

I feel like I've lost my focus. I need to get it back. I feel like I'm letting the heat outside and my tiredness take over my will to succeed. They have been huge obstacles that  I need to get over. I feel like I'm travelling backwards instead of forwards these days.

I did go to the doctor and he ordered a bunch of blood work which I had done on friday. I'm sure I'll hear something in the next couple of days. He also ordered a 24hr holter monitor for me. I've had a couple heart palpitations (oh joy) so he thought it best.  I'm not too worried about it. It has only happened a couple of times and for about 10 seconds each, but it's better safe than sorry, right? I got them before I became a veggie head too, but once again very, very rarely. My family does have heart health issues so I thought it best to inform the doc and get it checked out before it becomes more of a problem. With more weight loss, exercise and healthy food choices though, I hope it never does!

I am back to tracking and although I doubt I'll see a big loss at WI on thursday, I am hoping to at least see something.  I found eating via my points during the day far harder than eating my points when I'm on a night shift. I'm back on nights now though, so here's hoping I can kick some ass in the next two weeks.
Since rejoining WW in the last month I've lost 11.2 lbs.  My goal for the next month (July 17-August 17) is to lose 10lbs. It's a bit ambitious I know (since I will most likely not have a killer number like my first week ever again), but with a return to running, and tracking really well, I think I might be able to pull it off.  If I don't, I'll still be happy I lost something so no worries!  Another goal I haven't forgotten about it the 5K next month. I must fight the heat and my laziness fatigue and get out there and run again.  I still really want to participate in the 5K run next month. I have 39 days to train. I can do this! I will do this!!!! Sure the heat might kick my ass again and again when I run, but at least I got out there and tried. Right now, I'm sitting on my ass more than anything and I don't like it! I've come too far to give up now.

A few things I've done lately to help myself succeed are....

I got groceries! Yay!!!! Anyone who has been reading this blog for awhile, knows I HATE grocery shopping. I mean, once I'm there I'm fine. I just hate GOING! I ended up going to Watson's Farm  to switch it up a bit. Plus there's  nothing better than fresh grown local fruits and veggies! Since I was a kid I have gone and picked fresh raspberries and strawberries in the summer at Watson's Farm. This year I didn't pick my own (it was threatening rain when I was there and didn't want to chance it), but I did pick up both berries along with corn on the cob, cucumbers, potatoes, peppers, and green beans. The strawberries are SOOOO much better than the ones you get at the grocery store. So so sweet. The ones at the grocery store have zero taste and almost made me think I didn't like strawberries anymore!

I then hit the grocery store where I bought  beets, kale, cherries and watermelon, along with whole wheat bread, free-run omega 3 brown eggs,  a few 100cal snacks, soy and almond milk, along with a few other things I'm forgetting at the moment.  Needless to say my fridge is packed with great food which can only help me succeed!

I also e-mailed a Goodlife gym near my house asking about membership prices. I have yet to hear back from them though. Really I should have called, but I was just searching around the internet and found their e-mail and decided what the hell. Initially I had talked to a friend who rented gym equipment thinking I could just rent a treadmill for the summer when it's super hot out, but I found out it would cost over $70/month. That is INSANE! My girlfriend has kids so finds it easier for her this way, but for me who doesn't, it just doesn't make sense. Why rent one piece of equipment when I can just go to the gym and use far more pieces for less?  It all still really depends on price though, so we'll see. I think it might be the best thing I can do for myself though. I didn't want a membership for fear of not going after a few months, but if it will help my running which I'm determined not to give up, it might actually be worth the risk. Plus my 30s are all about giving a shit, so I can't give up! I can't quit this time!

Anyway, so that has been my life in a nutshell.  Oh.... last but not least, thanks to Missarahlou I have been given a blog award! Woohoo!!!  In my next post I'll be sure to follow the rules and tell you all #7 new things about myself and nominate others! thanks again Misssarahlou!

Back in the City

Well I'm back from the north now, and tomorrow I'll be back to work *sigh*. I did pretty well food wise until the drive home. I had a weak moment during my three hour drive and picked up some...yup, you guessed it....ice cream and french fries! Gurrrr.....

Oh well....I'm not going to dwell on it. Today is a new day and I'm back to tracking. I'm still determined to shed these pounds and get back the figure that I've been away from for far too long.  This time I will reach my goal so help me god!

Anyway, I thought I'd share some photos from my  time up north. Enjoy!

Thursday is W-Day

I ate an entire container of Ruffles French Onion Dip in less than 24hours. THE ENTIRE JAR!!!!  I ate it for a snack last night, for breakfast (ugh) this morning and for lunch! What is wrong with me????

All I can say is this is why I plan to walk into a WW meeting on thursday. Although I love my running pictures because they capture a great moment in my life, I can't help but notice that I still look gross and disgusting. Okay, so perhaps that's an exaggeration, but I'm sure you get what I mean. I hate the fact I have a turkey "gobble gobble" neck. Sure it runs in my family. My grandmother has one, my mother has one too, but they got theirs in the 50s and 60s. I got mine in my 20s. I don't need to have it right now! With weight loss, it will slowly disappear and I can't wait.

I saw so many runners of all different shapes and sizes yesterday and they all kicked my ass. It was awesome. I know to be a fast runner, you don't have to be a skinny little thing, but as I said in my previous post, I hope that with weight loss it will help me increase my pace.  It makes sense, the less you have to haul around, the faster you shall go, so here's hoping. This morning I found one article that states

If you're already trying to shed some pounds, here's more incentive: Research has shown that, on average, runners get two seconds per mile faster for every pound they lose. So, for example, a 10-pound weight loss would shave about one minute off your 5K race time.


I know it doesn't seem like much, but I have about 70 pounds to lose! That's 7 minutes off my current pace and that doesn't take into consideration just getting better because of more training. Each run for me is brutal, and I know the weight I'm carrying around is not helping me achieve my best. I don't want to quit because I've come too far, but I have to do something to make it easier, and weight loss in one solution. 


I have to say though I don't know how runners do it. My legs were so sore after the run. I soaked in a cold bath, followed by a hot shower and still they were sore. I sprayed muscle mist on my legs and A535 and still they are sore. These peeps that run 5-10k daily....how the hell do they do it? How do they keep their legs so loose? I can't even imagine running today and tomorrow is still a question mark. I truly envy them, I really do. I hope one day to learn their secrets and be like them.

Do I really Want it?

Learning to run has reminded me that if I set my mind to something, I can do it. Through determination, will and drive I can accomplish any goal I set for myself. Nine weeks ago running 5K seemed impossible, but  it was my goal I set for myself and I did it. I plan to do it again today as well. Week 9, run 2,  here I come. So now why the hell is it that when I set a weight loss goal, I can't have the same success? I've reached every goal I've set for myself in recent years. Move out on my own, landing a job that I wanted and love, bought a house on my own, graduated from university etc..etc..., but this damn weight loss goal I just can't seem to tackle.

I tried to 'Dr. Phil' think a bit tonight and ask myself...is being fat working for me? It must be in some regards because I'm not changing. I don't have that drive, determination or will to huncker down and calorie count and loss this freak'in weight once and for all. As I thought more and more I came to realize that perhaps my weight has become my security blanket. If I truly begin to shed the pounds and separate myself from my 'blanket" I'm valnerable  to possibilities that perhaps scare me. I'm not going to get into details, but I'm sure you get what I mean.

I'm confident in many aspects of my life. I'm smart and successful, but when it comes to weight loss, I'm a failure. I feel like I'm not strong enough to getter done. With that being said though, I know I have begun to make positive changes in my life and people are noticing. People have even called me an inspiration. Me! An inspiration. HA! That is shocking! It does feel good though to hear coworkers say they thought of me as they went out for a run and said, if Sonya can do it, so can I. The scale may not say I've lost weight lately, but many had asked if I have. I look in the mirror and I see a smaller self. My stomach is less bloated, my arms don't have as large of "wings" as they use to, and my legs look stronger. Of course I wish my double 'no neck' days were behind me, but here's hoping with my continued running and veggie diet it will come with time.

I'm not going to lie though, I do get frustrated. Here I am running 3 times a week, and eating a vegetarian diet where I've had more veggies in the last 3 months than probably in the last 3 years, but still I'm not losing weight.  I guess that's what you get when you don't buckle down.  I do admit lately I enjoyed french fries and ice cream perhaps too much. These are my two tried and true coping foods, and when our dog died, you can bet I had them A LOT! I wish I could say I've found a new coping strategy to deal with stress/anger/sadness, but I guess I haven't. I know I'm still not ready to calorie count or count points again though so I shouldn't be surprised by the scale results. Afterall, you can't have your cake and eat it too but of course this is where I get frustrated yet again. I say I want to lose this weight, so why the hell do I still make those bad food choices? Gurrrrrrr. When will I learn? When will I finally believe I can do it and that I'm worth it?

Flakie Sadness

I had a weak moment and now I'm paying for it. When out grocery shopping yesterday I bought a lot of good foods. I also bought passion flakies and cinnamon raisin rice pudding. I knew it was bad, but I thought maybe (just maybe) I'd be able to not inhale them both in one day.


I was wrong.

I ate the entire box of flakies in less than 24 hour and the entire large container of rice pudding.

They are both completely gone now.

So. Not. Cool!

I'm not sure what triggered the need to inhale. I really didn't think it would turn out this way. I can have chocolate in my house and ice cream in my house for weeks without eating it now (something I would have inhaled before), but I suppose flakies and rice pudding are still a red flag food for me. It's better if I just stay away.

I was feeling a bit nervous/anxious after I wrote my post last night (okay, well perhaps I do know why I inhaled) After looking up my route on mapmyrun like I said I did, I then went to coolrunning.com and realized I'm only running 3K in 25 minutes when I should be running 4K. I knew I was slow, but it was kind of like a punch to the stomach. Here I thought I was doing well (and yes, I do realize I still am for just doing it in the first place), but then to realize I'm behind the pace by so much...well, it kind of sucks. Top it off with the fact I mapped out 5K and now truly know how far that is....I think I freaked out a bit.

Today I'm feeling a bit better of course. I'm trying not to think of the 5K race, but just taking it run by run as I have for the last 7 weeks. On the coolrunning website It states "Week 7 - Brisk five-minute warmup walk, then jog 2.5 miles (or 25 minutes)." My podcast just has me running 25 minutes...but perhaps I need to run the 2.5 miles (4km) instead no matter how long it takes me. I'm really not sure. Four kilometers might take me 35 minutes and that's a huge jump from running for only 25 minutes. Ahhhh...I'm not sure what to do. Help! Any runners out there?

My first Blip :-(

Did you know cream of broccoli soup has chicken broth in it??? I didn't...until AFTER I ate it. :-( Yup, that's right, I'm currently kicking myself! Ugh.... I should have known! I'm so so sad about it. I suppose a blip in my transition to vegetarianism had to happen sometime (although I really wish it didn't).. Lesson Learned - check all soup ingredients before purchasing/eating!!!!

Sorry I haven't been a very good blogger lately. I'm still feeling under the weather and currently working night shifts at work. My whole schedule just changed. The good news is that I now get a week off each month (yahoo!), the bad news is that all my 12 hour shifts are lumped together now in order to get that week off. This poses two new issues. One - When will I run? Before or after my 12 hour shifts and two, when will I get groceries! ugh.... Still not sure about either.

As I write this I'm just finishing up work for the night and I think I'm going to head home, go to sleep and then get up at 4pm and run. Fingers crossed it's not windy and cold as it was yesterday. I'm not sure what's going on around my neck of the woods, but the weather has been CRAZY. It's been shorts and t-shirt weather one day and the next I need my winter jacket back on!

Food wise I've been doing alright. I must confess I haven't been tracking. I suck at myfitnesspal. Entering in everything is so time consuming, but I promise I'll get back to it soon! EA Sport Active has taken a bit of a back seat lately too. I know, not cool...so I promise to get back at that as well!

Anyway, that's it for today. Time to get back to work!

Later gators! Enjoy your day.

The Plan

Hey all....

So the little bump in the road became more like a mountain this past week. I'm not sure what happen, but  it did and we're moving forward. I've got new groceries in the fridge and a workout plan for this week so here's hoping I can get back to kicking some mega fat ass.

The plan:

1. Drink LOTS of H20
2. Stay inside my points
3. Eat more protein

Workouts for this week planned:

1. Yoga - Monday night after work
2. Wednesday - walk/jog an inside track with a friend until we pass out.
3. Thursday - new body exercise class  (not sure what this is, but my friend goes and I'm going with her)
4. Friday - Zumba (not sure what this one is either, but I'm going)
5. Saturday - aquafit

I bought a new pair of jeans today. I really didn't want to as I am trying to lose weight, but my two other pairs have holes in them now. I ended up buying a size 18. Here's hoping it's the last 18 I'll ever buy!!!!!  If I stick to eating right and working out I know it will be.  I just have to stay busy and social. If I've said it once I've said it a million times....being bored and lonely are my worse enemies when it comes to food. When I'm bored it's usually because I'm alone not doing anything. This then makes me feel lonely for the company of others. Most of my friends work 9-5 jobs which I do not, so the afternoons I find the hardest. When I'm lonely and bored...(especially when there is no food in the house) I eat and it always ends up being fast food. .... I have to stop this!!!! Stop the insanity I say!!!!! Enough is enough already!

I guess staying busy is easy enough. I could paint rooms in my house, organize stuff, clean, etc...etc....so it's more the alone thing I have a hard time with. I don't know why...I lived alone for 4 years and was fine (mind you that's when my weight ballooned so perhaps not). I guess I like being around people more than I thought.  This week will be nice because three out of the five workouts will be with my friend. She got me a seven day free pass to her gym so it should be fun!

Anyway, Canada vs. USA Olympic hockey is on TV right now. I must go and concentrate on that! Go Canada Go!!!!! 

Bump in the road....

“Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength.” - Autumn Wilson (1945-2005).

I'm trying...but I still ended up eating burger king two days in a row...ugh....Stupid damn emotional eating. Why can I not find another way. 
Why is it the ones you think you can trust the most, are the ones that end up letting you down? I don't understand.