Sleeping Beauty

Hey Folks,

I've thought about writing for sometime, but I just haven't. Sorry about that. I hope all of you are doing well and kicking ass on your own weight loss journey.

I have been okay. I am still on the medication to help with my depression and I do think it has been helping. I feel less anxious about things, and although I have my up and down days, I feel more like myself. The only side effect that has been challenging is fatigue. This medication has made me very tired. I do take it at night to help, but some days I still wake up feeling drowsy, and if I have a glass of wine in the evening...forget it... I'm a zombie the next day! It's pretty bad. Yesterday, I slept most of the day and today I also had to take naps. I'm not getting anything accomplished.

I tend to push through on my work days and drink caffeine to help, but on my days off it takes everything for me to get out of bed. I have talked to my doctor about it. He says about 20% of patients have this side affect.  Hopefully will get better the longer I'm on it when my body finally feels rested, but I wonder. I wonder because I'm not a woman with a normal sleep pattern. I'm a shift worker, so my sleep has always been up and down. I never feel rested!  I go back to the doctors in March so we'll see. I might reduce the medication. I might ask to switch it. Either way, I'll get the help I need.

As for my fear of the medication causing weight gain. I'm not really sure. I definitely have gained, but  I'm not going to blame the medication entirely. Sure I have new weird cravings for candy that I've never really had before, but I'm making many bad choices that I need to stop making. If not, I will have soon undone all the hard work I did in the fall.  I know I'm in the 230s, which I hate that I have gone back to. I will cry if I hit 240 again so moving forward I want to start doing better. I want to get on the bandwagon again and get back to making positive changes. Lucky and I still have plans to start trying for a baby this year and I really hope to get below 200 pounds before that happens. I know it's possible. I just have to get my willpower back and my motivation.

My father and I are going away again on another european adventure together in mid-June. I'd like to see how much I can lose before then. Lately, my hips have been bothering me again, along with my back and I know it's because of my weight gain and being in bed all the time. I need to do better. No more candy. No more chips. No more fries. Enough. I must do better. I will reach my goal. So help me god.