Inside out and the Outside in

My Facebook status was this today " 2010, the year I rock it from the inside out and the outside in. Change is good". Several people liked this or so they said.

2010 will be the year I make some major changes in my life. Changes only for the better. I am energized for these changes and determined to make them happen. It's a new year, a new decade and I'm thirty now.  2010 is the perfect time for transformation. I'm not just talking about changing on the outside though. Yes, that is a huge part of it, but so it changing on the inside. I know I need to work on this, and I'm determined to finally feel better about myself and realize that yes, I am strong, yes I am beautiful, yes, I am smart, and anyone who thinks otherwise can kiss my fat ass.

I'm so use to negative self talk. I don't know how I got this way, because I have a wonderful group of friends and family who think the world of me, but for some reason, I've never developed a great self esteem. I never thought I was smart and I guess this stems from public school days and being pulled out of class to see a resource teacher because I couldn't read and write like the rest of the kiddies... Well, I still am a horrible speller...but I sure the hell can read and write now! As for feeling beautiful....yes my family and friends think I am, but I've never been lucky in the love department and once your not lucky for so long, you tend to believe bad things about yourself. This year, I'm going to TRY to change that.  It's not going to be easy, but I need to start believing in myself. I need to start loving myself. I need to start caring.

I am strong. I am a woman who still has fight in her. Who is ready to kick some ass in this world and finally get what she deserves. I have a great life right now don't get me wrong. I just want to make it even better! Everyone has a story, everyone has baggage. I just don't want mine to define me anymore. I deserve better. I want better. I will get better.

This morning I stuck to my guns and worked out for 30 min on my stationary bike. That might seem like nothing to those of you who are further along on your journey, but for a girl just starting out, I'd say I did not too shabby. My legs are feeling the workout,  that's for sure. Tomorrow, I'll be going and doing some more yoga. I can't wait!

I jumped on the scale this morning and despite my efforts with work out though I still don't see any movement on the scale. Disappointed? Of course. I want that sucker to move!!!! I'm not sure why it's not moving either. I am eating WAY better than I have in the last few months. By know I would have had take out food at least three times already if I wasn't trying to change. 2010 - I've had none. I'm hoping it's just fluid retention from some salt etc... but if I don't lose weight this week, I can't let that derail me. I still made some amazing changes this week and I should be proud. Hell I worked out three times. THREE TIMES people. I haven't been that consistent  in years.  I've even got a plan for more...oh yeah baby. I'm rocking it....and will continue to. Just watch! ;-)