It's been one hell of a fucking year!

I'm separated.

I have been for over a year now.

I didn't want to split despite the fact I should have.

Our relationship became toxic

It was abusive

He cheated

I went crazy.

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I know I deserve better.

I know I want better, but I wanted better still with him.

I always prayed things would improve. Change. Get better.

I always prayed that he would improve. Change. Get better.

He did not.

I did not.

We pushed each others buttons and hurt each other deeply.

That's not love.

Not the kind I should want anyway.

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Despite the above.....

We were planning a life together.

We bought new cars,

Planned to buy a new house

We were even  actively trying to have a baby together when in an instant, my life did a complete 180.

All my hopes and dreams were shattered and I literally fell apart.

Like Gray's Anatomy - Izzy on the bathroom floor apart.

15 months later. I'm still dealing with it all.

I'm still fucking angry.

I'm still fucking sad.

and I'm eating a boat load of food every day to deal with it all.

17lbs vs. 27lbs

I see it! I see the difference. Thank god! Lol... It definitely helps to take progress pics to help you stay motivated!

I can't wait to lose over 30lbs! Im so close! I actually can't wait to hit 40lbs, but as always I'm taking it one step at a time. I've always caved before losing 40lbs, but I'm determined this time to make it to my goal. I'm done with this f-ing weight! I'm so over it! 

ps. Got to love a good eye brow pencil!
 

I'm still here.

Life has been hard lately. Very hard.

I'm still trying to lose weight though. I'm down almost 25lbs and I'm bound and determined to keep going no matter what. 

Here's two very unflattering photos, but I'm showing them anyway. I see the most change in my belly.  I'm getting there.... Slowly but surely I'm getting there. Hopefully my next progress pic will be even more dramatic! 

 

Body Pump

I went to my first GoodLife body pump class tonight. I loved it! I used weights and everything. Lol... I love the feeling of getting stronger. 💪🏻💪🏻 I'll definitely be going back! 

It was challenging  of course, but that's the point. I'm pretty sure that peak on my Fitbit happened when doing lunges and squats! Oh, how I hate those. 

 

Thursday Weigh-In

Still losing!

I wish it would come off faster, but at least it's coming off.  I clearly need to exercise more if I want bigger results. My body just isn't letting go of the weight with my strict diet alone. I'm walking and riding, but I need to step it up even more. 

Weight loss this week: 1.5lbs

New weight: 249.5lbs 

Total loss since starting isagenix: 9lbs

Total lost overall: 11lbs 

Moving forward I'll just note my overall weight. I know it's only a two pound difference, but we all know 2lbs still means something and I'm not about to discount it. 

I have roughly 2.5 months to lose as much weight as I can. I'd love to lose at least 30lbs. Fingers crossed!